By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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