Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
