My nipple is on Facebook.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
