Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
