so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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