living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
