I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
