so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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