Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
