Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
