new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
