I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
There's even glitter on my cock...
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