omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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