it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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