I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
