i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
