some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
