He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
