She is in my trunk
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
