Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
