I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
