I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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