im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
