He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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