He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So many bounce houses so little time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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