Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
