do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
