Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
