I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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