I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
