I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
