she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
