I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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