You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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