Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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