that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I puked a lego.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
