her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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