did you get engaged???
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
