imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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