Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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