Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
