Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
