Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
