No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
