I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
