Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
tell me about the fingering
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
