Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
