she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
