I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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