If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You did what with his pubic hair?
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