Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
