Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
